Hopelessness, Anxiety, and Sleep

Don AlleyAll, RamblingLeave a Comment

Hope. I love it when I feel hope. For me, it’s one of the best feelings ever. It washes over me, it envelops me like a warm blanket in front of a cosy fire. It empowers, it calms, it soothes, it strengthens. It makes me walk faster, stand taller, it builds my resolve and reminds me of my purpose.
But for the last three to four weeks, for whatever reason, I have felt completely hopeLESS. I hate it when I feel this way. The reality is that everything is working out, each business is doing great, each team is doing exactly what I want them to do…and yet I feel like hell. Like everything is about to fall apart. And try as I may to coach myself, I can’t seem to pull myself out of it. I hate it when I feel that…when I forget that “everything works for me.”  I hate it when one rogue thought makes me question everything I’m doing, and sends me into a tail spin, a downward spiral that feels like I’m sinking into a pit that I can never climb out of. Operating from this state where you feel like you can’t achieve anything, where everything is working against you, where nothing you do matters…that’s really the worst. Because it’s debilitating. And, it’s simply not true. 
You MUST chill out, Don. Stop stressing. Life is too short. Smile, relax, and have fun. Enjoy the process. You aren’t supposed to have everything you want in a flash. It will take work. And lots of it. You like that work. Why are you so stressed? You have created something amazing, you are creating something amazing…Feel that. YOU are enough. What does Lawrence say? Don’t let your goals beat you up. Ugh, story of my life. Grand goals, and they drive me to accomplish and achieve. But sometimes they kick my ass :/
Written the next morning.
OMG sleep is my best friend. I fell asleep last night around 11 in the chair downstairs and then went up to bed around 12. Woke up this morning at 8 and felt refreshed and rejuvenated. I have been waking up at 6 in the morning for the past few weeks….And for the past few weeks I have been a hopeless prick. Anxious, scared, dreading work and life…. Going to start making sure I get 7-8 hours and see how my days go. I’m guessing…Better.

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